Relational Dialectics – Leslie Baxter

Novelty & Predictability
Self-Disclosure & Privacy (social penetration theory)

Communication parties experience internal, conflicting pulls causing relationships to be in a constant state of flux, known as dialectical tension.  The pressures of these tensions occur in a wavelike or cyclical fashion over time.  Relational Dialectics introduces the concept that the closer individuals become to one another, the more conflict will arise to pull them apart.

An applicable example to help illustrate Relational Dialectics involves two college students in a romantic relationship, Jill and Josh.

• Connectedness and Separateness
  • Although it is only natural to desire a close and permanent bond in our interpersonal relationships, no relationship can endure unless the involved individuals spend some time alone. Too much connection results in the loss of individual identity.
  • Jill and Josh are very close and Josh insists on spending all their free time together.  Jill enjoys Josh’s company very much, but sometimes she feels like she needs her own space and personal space.  She tries to help Josh understand they can still be very close without being together every second of the day.
• Certainty and Uncertainty
  • Relational partners need predictability along with a sense of assurance in their interpersonal relationships. However, without the spice of variety that comes from novelty, mystery, and spontaneity in relationships (featuring too much predictability), they become bland and monotonous.
  • Jill and Josh also need a little more excitement in their relationship.  Their activities with each other have become somewhat redundant, and they desire some spice in their relationship.  They rarely go out anymore and when they do, they always participate in the same activities with the same people.
• Openness and Closedness
  • In an interpersonal relationship, communication partners feel the pressure to be transparent and reveal extensive personal information.  However, this pull counters a natural individual desire for privacy.  This dynamic struggle demonstrates that intimacy in relationships is not a straight-line path.
  • Jill has a very high level of self-disclosure with Josh which helps maintain a sense of openness in their relationship.  Josh has progressively gotten less and less open with Jill about stories from his past, how his day was, and his feelings toward Jill.  This change confuses Jill and makes her feel less comfortable opening up.

Three Dialectics

• Autonomy—Connection (you want to be close to your friends and share stuff with them but you also need personal space)
• Expression—Non-Expression (Expression: talk something about yourself, Non—Expression: keep info to yourself)
• Stability—Change (Stability: you could always depends on your parents.)

Dialectical Tensions

• are opposites
• that are united (you have to have economy and relationship, desire)
• and not viewed negatively (every relationship has tension)

Praxis

• Selection
• Segmentation (particular topic or activities for certain area)
• Spiraling Inversion
• Reframing (change your understanding about the opposite)

Second Generation

Dialogue

• builds relationships
• means flux and unpredictability
• asks for all voices to be heard

Evaluating Relational Dialectics

• variables?
• Interpretive Theory
• Contradiction: overall meaning –>pulled in two different directions at all times
• Spiraling Inversion: going back and forth between oppositions
• Segmentation: only telling certain parts of your life to some then others. Ex. only telling about school to parents and not about partying.