Jan 24, 2008 — Workplace Canadianisms

I work at a call center called NuCOMM International. It is bent on trying to rule the world by means of servicing huge clients such as “Comcast” and “Cogeco” and “Brighthouse” and The Devil. This workplace is marked by rows and rows of endless paths and zigzags of aisles leading to cubicles that make you want to commit suicide. This is how it serves The Devil. Beyond these aisles, clear distinctions are made between which obese person has a particular cubicle and someone who has another one. Obesity runs rampant and uncontrolled in this workplace, so if someone is ever to understand this culture, they are easily integrated if they are obese rather than if they are slim. Sadly, obesity is a workplace Canadianism here. Not that obesity isn’t enough of a problem already, snacking on Lays and other despicable brands such as CocaCola too is a problem since it supports Zionist extremism. These brand names are also a workplace Canadianism in that it supports the expansion of other empires.

Canadians are great at helping others and these brands allow them the ability to assist better. Before this starts to turn into a rant about a Jewish Trust Fund (a fund that seems to have an unlimited amount of money…), let’s get back to the ideas of workplace Canadianisms. This workplace is marked by a lot of signs of Canadian attributes. For example, there are a lot of pictures of money and beavers. I haven’t got a clue why beavers and money describe NuCOMM International the best, but I guess it works as a Canadianism here. Also, the Canadian flag is all over the place. It is supposed to mark a moment of remembrance, especially during Rememberance Day, of course. Also, there seems to be this precarious association between business and trophies. For NuCOMM, their trophies are in the form of frames because NuCOMM is cheap. These trophies have a lot of Canadian leafs.

Furthermore, there are pictures of the Toronto Maple Leafs. People constantly wear the Leafs hats and jerseys. Because I hate the Leafs, I always wear Ottawa hats and make them furious of me. The rivalry is really unnecessary between these two hockey teams. Ottawa is the capital city, Toronto isn’t! Why are Torontonians crying about it like children who just came out of a mental daycare institution? And, if you’re a Toronto fan, remember that Toronto’s last Stanley Cup victory was in 1967—it’s been like 40 years now and they still haven’t won. At the end of the day, the Ottawa Senator jersey looks much better.